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CHICK TO LEAD FILTHY ANIMALS
Monday 3rd February 2003 - It was announced today that Daniel Chick
has been awarded the captaincy of Filthy Animals Football Club in their inaugural Sim season.
Speaking from the steps of the Animal House, club president Crocodile Dundee was effusive in his praise of
the new leader. "Chicky is a true animal and richly deserves the honour. He has worked extremely hard
through the pre-season and has been an inspiration to the group by biting more heads off live bats than
any other player. Even when one of the feisty creatures slipped from his grip and he bit off his finger
by mistake, he just smiled, wiped the blood from the corners of his mouth and hurled himself at the tackling
dummy." Emeritus Captain Mad Dog Muir then draped the sacred Flayed Cat, the symbol of leadership, around
Chick's shoulders. Obviously overcome with emotion, Chick declined to comment but gave the assembled media
a prosthetic one-finger salute as he went back inside for another tinnie.
FILTHY ANIMALS JOIN SIM FOOTBALL LEAGUE 2
Saturday 1st February 2003 - Filthy Animals Sim Football Club was
officially launched today at an enormous piss-up and Toga Party in the Animal House. Amid a waist-high pile
of empty cans, stubbies and 'Tyabb Fried Cat' cartons, an obviously inebriated President Crocodile Dundee
received a rapturous ovation when he stood to address the assembled animals, burped, and then collapsed in an
alcoholic stupour. Club Secretary JTM 'Jocko' Gibbon then introduced Head Coach Yabby Jeans, who mumbled a
few words before being drowned out by cries of 'Suck more piss' and 'Aaaargh aaargh' from the player group.
Jeans then leapt from the podium and crowd-surfed to the front door where he was thrown into the waiting arms
of the AniBelles, the glamorous, talented group of teenage girls who will perform for the pleasure of players
and fans alike during the season. The AniBelles were suitably attired in micro bikinis supplied by major
sponsor Swan Lager, with a well-positioned black swan the highlight of the outfits. As part of their
sponsorship deal, Swan Lager provided a tanker of its product for the launch, and the players took full
advantage. Within seconds of the massive truck coming to a halt outside the Animal House, the drainage plug
had been removed and there were 7 players laying shoulder to shoulder, lined up beside the outlet. Jarrod
Schofield showed his fitness by being first under the spout, and spent an impressive 3 minutes 42 seconds
with his mouth open to the torrential stream of beer. But he was not in the same league as big 'PM' Keating,
who 'took the spout' for a wonderful 5 minutes 17 seconds, setting a new Animals record. Once the tanker had
been emptied, the players returned to the Animal House for a few cleansing ales before heading off to their
historic first training session.
FILTHY ANIMALS HISTORY
Filthy Animals Football Club was established in February 2003,
taking over the abandoned Swamp Frogs. The new management decided a culture change was required, and
quickly implemented a 'Booze, Sex, Drugs & Rock 'n' Roll' policy, much to the delight of players and
members alike. From that moment on the club never looked back....
FILTHY ANIMALS DATA
Head Coach - Yabby Jeans. Emeritus Captain - Mad Dog Muir.
President - Crocodile Dundee. Treasurer - Scrooge McDuck.
Secretary - Jocko The Masked (JTM) Gibbon. Delegate to SFL - Ernie Dingo.
Club Psychiatrist - Dr Doolittle. Plastic Surgeon - The Elephant Man.
Club Colours - Red, White and Black (Red Setter, White Pointer, Black Swan)
Home Ground - Animal House. Training Facility - Empty House. Mascot - Alf.
Major Sponsor - Swan Lager. Minor Sponsors - Camel Cigarettes, Wild Turkey Rum.
Golf Pro - Tiger Woods. Cricket Consultant - Tiger O'Reilly. Wrestling Coach - Tiger Singh.
Transport Manager - Lindsay Fox. Caped Crusader - Batman.
Match Commentary - Bobcat Goldthwaite, Mr Ed. Special Comments - Swan McKay.
Television Host - Gary Lyon. Boundary Rider - A Man Called Horse.
CLUB SONG - WE ARE THE FILTH
Music & Lyrics - Cat Stevens. Performed by Eric Burdon & The Animals.
We are the filth - y animals
Oh we're the Filthy Animals
When we play it's pain we're inflicting
How we love to hear those yells
We are the filth - we come from hell
We like our beer it goes down well
Oh how the fans cheer our consumption
Of our deeds they'll ever tell
Composer and performers are currently collaborating on further verses.
FILTHY ANIMALS CLUB FACTS & FIGURES
Highest Score - 32.16.208 v Blues United, Round 5, Season 2003.
Longest Winning Sequence - 4 games, Round 4 to Round 7, Season 2003.
|
G A Young Trophy
Club Best & Fairest |
Lockett Medal
Leading Goalkicker |
Captain |
Coach |
Honours |
| 2003 |
|
|
D Chick |
G Thomas |
|
| 2004 |
|
|
|
|
|
HEAD TO HEAD
| Club | First played |
Last played | Filthy Animals |
Them |
| Guelphoids | Rd 1 2003 |
Current | 01 |
01 |
| Brewers | Rd 2 2003 |
Current | 00 |
02 |
| Supreme Beings | Rd 3 2003 |
Current | 01 |
01 |
| Cyber Pigs | Rd 4 2003 |
Current | 01 |
01 |
| Blues United | Rd 5 2003 |
Current | 01 |
01 |
| Square Bears | Rd 6 2003 |
Current | 1.5 |
0.5 |
| Brahma Bulls | Rd 7 2003 |
Current | 02 |
00 |
| Redhotgo Pythons | Rd 8 2003 |
Current | 01 |
01 |
| Entropy | Rd 9 2003 |
Current | 00 |
01 |
Current to Round 17 2003
GAME BY GAME
| Year 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 Wi/Lo Posn F1 F2 F3 F4 |
|
| 2003 L L L W W W W L L W L W L L D W W X 8.5/17 Xth X X X X |
| 2004 |
SOME FILTHY ANIMALS HEROS
Contact Filthy Animals at simfooty@bigpond.net.au by clicking here